Helpful Information for Women

of Domestic Violence

Quiz; How Controlling is Your Man

Quoting from the book, "Born to Please"

Compliant Women/Controlling Men by Karen Blaker,PH.D.

If you are not sure where you and your mate stand. answer

the questions in the following quiz. Write "YES" when you feel

that the description is usually or always true. Answer "NO"

when it is not usually or never true.

When there is a problem in the relationship, He blames you_

He someimes drinks too much and becomes physically or

verbally abusive_

You know or suspect that he has been involved

with other women_

He is late or stands you up for appointments or dates_

He forbids or criticizes your outside activities and hobbies_

He embarrasses you in front of other people_

He gets angry when you disagree with him_

He accuses you of flirting with other men when you are not_

He follows you to check up on you_

He is critical of the way you look or dress_

He insists on driving the car when you go out_

He has hit you_

He does or says things that you never thought

you could tolerate_

He stops talking to you or withdraws his affection when

he wants to win an argument or make a point_

He says he needs his freedom or space-

He has pushed you or twisted your arm or used some other physical act to make you bend to his will_

He doesn't allow you to have a checking account, and gives an allowance to pay the bills_

He uses sex to quiet your doubts about the relationship_

He is not interested in your day_

He gives you extra money or buys you presents when you have been "good"_

He calls you a nag or accuses you of stirring up trouble if you want to talk about problems in the relationship_

He never calls you by your real name_he uses a demeaning or derogatory nickname_

He doesn't phone when he is going to be late_

He wants you around when he is there_

He has been arrested at least once_

He feels uncomfortable or gets angry with you when you get the attention (because of some aspect of your work or a special accomplishment)_

He trivializes or makes fun of your feelings_

He often says you're too critical_

He flirts with women in front of you_

He makes you feel sorry for him_

He frightens you with threats_

He finds fault with your friends and the people you are close to_

If you answered yes to twenty or more, Your man is very controlling.

If you answered yes to twelve or more, your man is quite controlling.

If you answered yes to five or more, your man somewhat controlling.

Note that the more controlling your man is, the more of a pleaser you probably are_otherwise you would leave the relationship.

How men control

Abuse:Sometimes you make me so mad that I lose control. You'd better not push me too far because you never know what I might do to you.

Seduction;No one can love you like I do. You're nothing with me. I'm the only one who can give you what you need.

Expertise; Trust me. I know you better than you know yourself.I know what's right for you."

Money; I make the money, so I have the right to make the decisions, too.

Empty Promises;You drive ne to distraction, If you didn't act this way, maybe I would be able to be more dependable.

Emotional blackmail; Watch yourself.....or you'll be sorry.

The Silent Treatment; "I know you can't stand it when I turn you off and pretend like you don't exist. You'll do anything to get me talking again."

They will also say I'm sorry but to they really don't know mean it.